By MLNPstars Violet+Rye
We’re often asked how this started. In the past year, we’ve started to tell some of our friends about this life we lead online. You know, the one where we blog anonymously about our sex life. Take photos, make videos, share our intimate moments. The one where we go by Violet+Rye.
It started with a conversation we think everyone should have. After a few years together, a year or so living together, and several moves around the country, the talk happened.
The porn talk.
We both watched it. Violet liked reading more than watching, mostly because the videos aren’t geared toward what she likes. Rye mentioned that he was a big fan of a particular blog. A blog run by a couple.
Violet checked it out. The Secretive Slut (sadly, now defunct, but it still exists online). It was a young couple. Photos. Some videos. Plenty of posts about their life together. All anonymous. All hot.
“Well, maybe we could do that.”
Two years have passed. Two years of our own photos, videos and posts.
While we didn’t really know it when we set out to do this, we’ve realized that we appeal to (the many, many) people like us. People that have been turned off by the adult industry and their limited offerings, their fake “amateur” videos, their cock-in-hole take on sex (although we are rather fond of cocks in holes). Someone told us once that being beautiful is infinitely more complex and interesting than being pretty. That is sort of how we like to think about the sex we have, the sex we film and the sex we share.
Shortly after releasing our first few videos, right around Christmas of 2011, we got a tweet from Cindy Gallop, asking to chat. We were more than a bit shocked and totally excited. We knew Cindy as a powerful voice in the advertising world and someone that gave a pretty damn amazing TED talk about sex and porn and the effect it’s having on society and young men, in particular. But we didn’t know why she was contacting us, of all people.
So one chilly winter day, we had that chat (AT HER AMAZING BLACK APARTMENT) over coffee. And it was there that she told us about her plan, about MakeLoveNotPorn.tv, about her thoughts on porn, on sex, on shaking things up and making sex better, more discussed, more open and honest.
In short, Cindy was speaking exactly the language we had been preaching for nearly two years on our blog. What she liked about us was that we weren’t just complaining about it, we were actually doing something about it by contributing our sexuality in the hope that something new, something different, something a bit more real and honest might begin to emerge. And hopefully, something fucking hot.
Now that we’ve been doing it for over two years, we want to urge you to do the same. What Cindy and her team have created with MakeLoveNotPorn.tv is a site built around a sense of community. It’s an ecosystem for beautiful, real world sex that is shared by real couples, real friends, real individuals, real threesomes, foursomes, eight-somes of people that want a healthier way to discuss, consume and share sexuality. It’s a site that hopes to build a community around shared sexuality, making sex a socially shareable slice of life, just as it should be (and one that pays you in not just the good feelings you get from discussing and sharing your real world sex, but in actual dollar bills).
Let’s face it, we check-in everywhere we eat, take pictures things we buy, all of our fucking meals, movies we watch, books we read, jobs we love (or hate), even dates we love (or hate). And amidst all of this, we leave this elephant in the room. The one thing we ALL share, but no one talks about. We’re all jerking off. Thinking about jerking off. Fucking. Thinking about fucking. Watching porn. Thinking about watching porn. And yet not a peep about it to friends, hell, sometimes not even to the people we’re fucking! Sex is a major part of our lives, yet we’re too ashamed to talk about it. Let’s use MakeLoveNotPorn.tv as a place where we can start to change that.
We’ll come right out and say it, we want to know about the sex you’re having. We’re curious. We might even want to see that more than we want to see what fucking meal you’re about to eat (because we’re obsessed with food, we’ll admit that it depends on the meal). Stop checking-in to your bank and start checking-in to someone’s bedroom!
We started sharing things about our sex life to learn things about ourselves — what we desired most, what we liked, what we hated, what we wanted to give a try. But we ended up learning a lot about other people, too. And the sharing has become one of the best parts.
This adventure certainly didn’t come without doubts along the way. But with each doubt, came an email. A tweet. A comment. Someone saying, “EXACTLY.” And on occasion (really, really special occasions) someone said, “thank you.” When someone expresses gratitude for your willingness to share the intimate details of your life, holy shit guys, it is so gratifying.
Trust us, the day that you realize that by making an honest, sexy, short movie about your real world sex, you’ve actually helped someone else talk about their own is an amazing day. Oh, and you get to come, as an added bonus.
So pick up a camera (best case, a dSLR, though even iPhones are getting pretty delicious video footage) and shoot some video. Start small. Put it somewhere and let it pick up the action. If you’re feeling inspired, pick it up, hold it as steady as possible, and make it a part of the sex you’re having. It’s a third eye, taking in details you’re too all-consumed to pick up on. The curve or her hip, the sweat forming on his abdomen, the veins in that forearm, her soft moan when your tongue hits just the right spot, the pre-cum we love so much. Shoot and shoot and shoot, you can always edit and edit and edit later (on VERY easy to use programs that are often included in your computer’s hardware). Be real about it, be awkward about it, laugh about it. Sex can be hot, sex can be ridiculous, sex can hurt, or be messy, be noisy or quiet, sex can be all of these things at once. But real world sex is infinitely more varied and interesting than anything you’re presented by porn studios, we’ll guarantee it.
In the same way that comedy works, sex can (and should) work. It’s those moments that we can connect with, where we say “holy shit, me too!” We once saw a video of a couple fucking on a table, the camera shaking with each thrust, and with each thrust, inching its way off the table. Until finally, the camera fell to the floor, yet still picked up audio of the couple coming enthusiastically. THAT was a hot sex scene. And THAT is something that couldn’t be faked. No studio is savvy enough to fake something that embarrassing and poorly thought-out (let alone maybe ruin a camera). And that embarrassing, poorly thought-out slice of hotness was exactly why we got off watching it.
While aspirational, studio-lit sex can be fun to watch, we’re not pounding multiple holes and spitting on vaginas (if that’s your thing, do it!) in the same way that we’re not having sex with Rene Russo on a staircase in our mansion (regardless of how hot that scene is), so we don’t truly connect with it when we watch it. We might get all tingly during some of these scenes, but we’re always hoping that something more honest might come along, something that reflects the sex we’re actually having. And we have more than a sneaking suspicion that you feel exactly the same way. Fortunately for all of us, so do Cindy Gallop and the MakeLoveNotPorn.tv team.”