Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

The sexual journey that brought me to

Written by Gloria of BZandGloria

My first intro to “porn” would have been my mom’s copy of the The Joy of Sex.  She kept it hidden in her underwear drawer and I would carefully pull it out when she was at work.  The renderings of the shaggy hippies that looked like my friend Lisa’s parents were a bit confusing but they certainly did indeed communicate the “joy” from the title. They smiled and giggled and tumbled about. It sure seemed like a lot of fun, and I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up and get in on that action. (In stark contrast to the terrifying and confusing  Japanese woodcuts in the back… Alex Comfort’s attempts to celebrate diversity may have backfired there with me.)

gloria 2

I grew up before internet, so porno movies or magazines were pretty hard to come by for a young girl with no males in the household.  There was the dirty bookstore whose painted windows and warnings to those under 18 against entry made me imagine there were hordes of drooling R. Crumb characters waiting to attack me inside.  And I would have sooner attempted a bank heist than grab the crinkly cellophane-wrapped Hustler at the Waldenbooks in the mall. In high school, I sent away for an Adam & Eve catalog that sold porn tapes, simulated body parts and flavored lube. Instead of getting some insight into my favorite topic, I got more confusion. And it wasn’t that I was naive, I knew what people used the pocket pussies and dicks molded from actual porn star privates were for. It’s just that everybody looked steely-eyed and grim or shrieking in pain. No hair, no hippies, no fun.So all that was left to guide my wild imagination were dirty parts in nondirty books and foreign films where people were beautiful, sex was consensual (or if it wasn’t that was a very, very bad thing) and it was above all pleasurable. I dreamed of a man grinning lasciviously at me as we romped through turn of the century Paris (I liked period dramas). We wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other. We’d be dirty and fleshy and howling in delight.

Then when I turned 18, college, actual sex and the internet happened all at once. Looking back it could have been in the same weekend. Interestingly though, with all this access somehow I fell into a porn gap. Maybe because once I had my first boyfriend I was more eager to take my research into the field. Of course, with boyfriends and male roommates came those elusive pornographic magazines and videos… actually in my house! Their prior illicitness made them sexy for sure, but that wore off pretty quickly. I did find myself wondering, “Is that how you’re supposed to do it?” or  “Is that what I look like?” and “that looks difficult.” It was like finally making enough money to eat at fancy restaurants that don’t have signs or websites and realize that it’s all just duck fat, truffles and foam. And once my curiosity was satisfied, I didn’t venture back for more that often. Not because I thought it was bad or dumb, it just wasn’t my cup of tea… similar to how I feel about Dr. Who. Also, I was pretty sure that all porn sites would give my computer a virus.

So with whole continents of prurient content out there, why does #realworldsex matter so much that I’d film myself having sex and put it on the internet? Not to mention get my husband into it, though frankly there wasn’t much cajoling. Primarily because even though there is SO MUCH porn… there ironically isn’t that much sex. Oh there’s vaginal intercourse, blow jobs, rim jobs, fisting, facials, pegging, peeing and just about everything that anyone has ever dreamed up to do with their genitals. But how to find two (or more) people having naked fun together, smiling, sharing, having non-goal-oriented orgasms…or being okay with not having them? That’s a little more difficult to find and something that I’d devour. Real people are unpredictable; they have unique kinks, funny faces. They have smells and tastes to savor, hair that gets messy and bras that are hard to take off. Each person is a glorious mystery to unlock, rather than the set of buttons to push and levers to pull to induce a squeal as porn world (which is to #realworldsex what Failure to Launch is to #realworldlove) would have you believe.

gloria smiles

Think about it, with all the porn at our finger tips, accessible 24-7, we’d still totally peek if a co-worker pointed to window across the way and said she just saw people having sex.


BZ and I have been together for several years and we still like to try out different codes to make each other smile that naughty smile. And we still can find those yet undiscovered or unrealized thrills and yearnings.    We like to think that our videos are our own little Joy of Sex shorts: fun, silly, (briefly) serious, meandering, experimental, collaborative and HOT.

Read more about MLNPstars experiences here and here. Watch BZandGloria’s videos here.

4 Responses to “The sexual journey that brought me to”

  1. B Perry

    I admire you quite a bit. When I was young, until my early 20s I was hopelessly shy. And I shouldn’t have been. I was a distance runner and at times a car load of young ladies would drive past and whistle at me. I’d blush while running. It was awful being that shy.

    Then at 22 I moved next door to a 42 year old lady from Finland. It wasn’t my first time, but it did help me build confidence that I wasn’t ugly. In fact, I was rather good looking back then but that is now gone except on the inside. A chance remark I heard at age 8 had convinced me otherwise.

    Now I’m happily married. She’s a decade older. I never lost that passion for the smarter, wiser woman. So I won’t ever meet you. It’s much too nice a marriage and we are hopelessly in love, nine years past the anniversary date.

    I hope you are passing along the gift I was given. You say you date younger men. Try a few shy ones and build their confidence.

    And publish on your website Ben Franklin’s advice to young man. I had read that years earlier so was open to the idea. I know it’s hopelessly sexist, but I think Ben was trying to make the world a better place.

    • Cindy Gallop (@cindygallop)

      B Perry, I’m delighted to hear all that! Rest assured that what you value, I am totally doing – you can read in detail why I date younger men and my personal approach to that relationship model here, in my short TED e-book ‘Make Love Not Porn: Technology’s Hardcore Impact On Human Behavior’:

      I love Ben Franklin’s advcie too 🙂 Our blog is for posts that are mission-specific, but rest assured that I am deliberately public about the fact that I date younger men in order to encourage people to examine more relationship models than the very limited number of ostensibly societally-approved ones.

  2. Skyler

    I just wanted to say thank you! I am 13 and know a little too much about porn and sex. I mostly learn it at school from other guys. I finally know that porn isnt sex. Sex is a way of love and porn is like friends with benifits, no love, no smiles, just groaning in pain and waiting for an orgasim! Thanks again!


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