My first intro to “porn” would have been my mom’s copy of the The Joy of Sex. She kept it hidden in her underwear drawer and I would carefully pull it out when she was at work. The renderings of the shaggy hippies that looked like my friend Lisa’s parents were a bit confusing but they certainly did indeed communicate the “joy” from the title. They smiled and giggled and tumbled about. It sure seemed like a lot of fun, and I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up and get in on that action. (In stark contrast to the terrifying and confusing Japanese woodcuts in the back… Alex Comfort’s attempts to celebrate diversity may have backfired there with me.)
I grew up before internet, so porno movies or magazines were pretty hard to come by for a young girl with no males in the household. There was the dirty bookstore whose painted windows and warnings to those under 18 against entry made me imagine there were hordes of drooling R. Crumb characters waiting to attack me inside. And I would have sooner attempted a bank heist than grab the crinkly cellophane-wrapped Hustler at the Waldenbooks in the mall. In high school, I sent away for an Adam & Eve catalog that sold porn tapes, simulated body parts and flavored lube. Instead of getting some insight into my favorite topic, I got more confusion. And it wasn’t that I was naive, I knew what people used the pocket pussies and dicks molded from actual porn star privates were for. It’s just that everybody looked steely-eyed and grim or shrieking in pain. No hair, no hippies, no fun.So all that was left to guide my wild imagination were dirty parts in nondirty books and foreign films where people were beautiful, sex was consensual (or if it wasn’t that was a very, very bad thing) and it was above all pleasurable. I dreamed of a man grinning lasciviously at me as we romped through turn of the century Paris (I liked period dramas). We wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other. We’d be dirty and fleshy and howling in delight.
Then when I turned 18, college, actual sex and the internet happened all at once. Looking back it could have been in the same weekend. Interestingly though, with all this access somehow I fell into a porn gap. Maybe because once I had my first boyfriend I was more eager to take my research into the field. Of course, with boyfriends and male roommates came those elusive pornographic magazines and videos… actually in my house! Their prior illicitness made them sexy for sure, but that wore off pretty quickly. I did find myself wondering, “Is that how you’re supposed to do it?” or “Is that what I look like?” and “that looks difficult.” It was like finally making enough money to eat at fancy restaurants that don’t have signs or websites and realize that it’s all just duck fat, truffles and foam. And once my curiosity was satisfied, I didn’t venture back for more that often. Not because I thought it was bad or dumb, it just wasn’t my cup of tea… similar to how I feel about Dr. Who. Also, I was pretty sure that all porn sites would give my computer a virus.
So with whole continents of prurient content out there, why does #realworldsex matter so much that I’d film myself having sex and put it on the internet? Not to mention get my husband into it, though frankly there wasn’t much cajoling. Primarily because even though there is SO MUCH porn… there ironically isn’t that much sex. Oh there’s vaginal intercourse, blow jobs, rim jobs, fisting, facials, pegging, peeing and just about everything that anyone has ever dreamed up to do with their genitals. But how to find two (or more) people having naked fun together, smiling, sharing, having non-goal-oriented orgasms…or being okay with not having them? That’s a little more difficult to find and something that I’d devour. Real people are unpredictable; they have unique kinks, funny faces. They have smells and tastes to savor, hair that gets messy and bras that are hard to take off. Each person is a glorious mystery to unlock, rather than the set of buttons to push and levers to pull to induce a squeal as porn world (which is to #realworldsex what Failure to Launch is to #realworldlove) would have you believe.
Think about it, with all the porn at our finger tips, accessible 24-7, we’d still totally peek if a co-worker pointed to window across the way and said she just saw people having sex.
BZ and I have been together for several years and we still like to try out different codes to make each other smile that naughty smile. And we still can find those yet undiscovered or unrealized thrills and yearnings. We like to think that our videos are our own little Joy of Sex shorts: fun, silly, (briefly) serious, meandering, experimental, collaborative and HOT.
Read more about MLNPstars experiences here and here. Watch BZandGloria’s videos here.