Written by MLNPstar Doris_Dawn
A perfect watch for cuddling late in the evening. Forgetting the day to remember of the passionate late ’80s (our early 20s), along with the adventurous early ’90s. Before falling asleep, embraced, I sniff the hair on his chest as invisible wings take me back in time. From the many memories storming my mind, I wish to share just a few with you.
Don’s sky-blue trousers captured my attention in a mountain resort, at the beginning of a summer camp. Hard to miss the rebellious nature in this young mustang – two years younger than me. Wondered what if I tame him to be my personal horse, one to ride for life. Mine alone! Few months later, rumors circulated that I was playing in porn movies. Sturm und Drang! The ambitious good (what am I saying here? exemplary!) girl in me didn’t take this insult easily. Pressed by my ultimatums, colleagues confessed: the bites on my neck, the scratches on my cheeks (and chin) and, last but not least, the company of this guy caused the rumors to spread and catch. I was shocked! Literally. Had to clear my name, had the means to, and made good use of them. My future career had to be saved, and it was – for the moment…
Couple of years later, my personal romantic mustang brings me (us!) a nice present for the New Year’s Eve: a VHS tape with Seka doing something… Can’t remember well.
“Aren’t you comfortable with us making love in front of the mirror anymore?” I ask. “Sure I am, but watching this will teach us new things!” Says he. I always enjoy learning new things, not only in bed. We watch together, then experiment together. Poor Seka – I tell myself… Where is her pleasure? Oh well– maybe she is a gymnast, finding satisfaction out of positions that cause me pain, strictly pain.
Couple of years into the ’90s, my partially subdued mustang buys a VHS camera. He needs it for the business. True! But at night, after consuming our reflections in the mirror, he wants us to make a porn. Did I see this coming? Still, I am curious, silent but intrigued nevertheless, to see if I can look better than Seka on the TV screen. With no makeup on my face, with a totally inadequate allure, probably with not much courage, I dare myself naked in front of his camera. Minutes later, he fixes it on a chair and comes forward to kiss me tender.
Welcoming his tongue in my mouth, sucking it slowly, poking mine in his, a thought dashes like an arrow adrift: did those porn stars (that he had shown me times and times again) truly kiss? Profoundly, with abandon, I mean. Did they? Can’t remember.
Staring at me on the TV screen, a cold shiver walks his way up my back. Is this really me? Do I seem to look fatter than the mirror tells me? OMG, what am I doing? No, no, no! This is the bad girl – the crazy little animal taking over my personality… Look! She comes… OMG, she’s having a great time! Hm, the good girl watching me on the screen is already jealous. And she speaks, cold as ice: “Erase the tape now or I’ll burn it in the morning!” My tired mustang, taken away by his recent “creation,” shows verbal resistance: “But… honey. You look like an adorable bunny in there.
You’re the same ripe peach that you were during our wedding night, remember?… Well, you move with more dexterity now, must admit.”
He keeps pausing and flashing backwards to analyze, to show me if I missed this or that… “Delete it now! I can’t sleep unless this record has vanished. What if someone puts his hands on the tape? What shall we do? Think about it!” He knows how right I am. “Can I watch it a few more times?” “Let us watch it together then!”
How many white nights have we spent filming our “VHS love making,” reviewing it only to delete it before the sunrise? Who knows. What I know today is that (i) those lovely genuine records of #realworldlovingsex are gone, that (ii) I miss the fearful, but guilty, innocence of the ’90s and that (iii) the rumor mongers from the ’80s unwittingly guessed it right at the university.
The first image of his sky-blue pants turned into a lovely blue sky exuberance. Who knew?