Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

Sex in the shower: the ultimate guide to getting your super soaked freak on / Bustle

Written by Kat George for Bustle.  Originally published November 7th, 2014.



“Having sex in the shower is hard (*wink*). The idea of it is hot as hell, but the expectation vs. the reality are often two completely different things. In your mind, you’ll be showering in full makeup, mascara completely un-smudged, standing so your back is arched perfectly and subtly to reveal a pert apple of a butt. You partner enters, his abs glistening slightly from the steam in the room. He joins you in the shower and slides easily into you from behind, and the water beats down on you but not enough that it goes in your eyes and makes you look squinty like you’d got temporary pink eye. This is the dream. This is not, in fact, what shower sex ever turns out to be.

The reality is you’re slipping and sliding around the place like an oily whale, trying to reconcile the discrepancy in height between you and your partner by ungracefully bending over and taking in so many lungfuls of water you think you might drown, and how the hell are the police going to explain to your mother that you died trying to get laid in the shower? Add to that: small showers, dirty showers, cold showers, showers with low water pressure, showers with high water pressure etc. etc. and you’ll find that sexy shower time is something you really have to WORK for. The first step is letting go of the idea that James Bond is going to appear from no where to fuck you like you’re in a romance novel.

All that being said, sex in the shower can be fun. It can be sexy, and it can be extremely rewarding. (And to be honest, I was really exaggerating the possibility of death anyway.) Here are 9 pieces of advice from me, who has successfully had sex in the shower in maybe 3 out of 5 attempts (which is a solid ratio in my mind), about how you can have sex in the shower with the least amount of risk and the most amount of dignity:

1. DON’T WORRY ABOUT GETTING WET (BA-DOOM CHHH! PUN INTENDED)

There’s water in the shower. That’s the sexy part. It’s like being in your own personal at home waterfall. Except next to a toilet, probably. I guess animals pee in the wild, so there’s probably a toilet of some kind near a waterfall too. ANYWAY. The point is, if you’re worried about getting your hair wet or your face wet because you’re wearing makeup then don’t even bother with shower sex, because you’re going to make it even more awkward than it already is by dodging the water. The whole point of shower sex is to get wet and be wet and have sex while wet. Otherwise you would just have sex somewhere where it’s not wet.”

To read the rest of these steamy (pun intended) tips, check out the rest of the list here! We love this piece because #realworldsex is sometimes awkward or messy but always definitely still worth it!

Wanna see some shower-centric action? Check out these videos from MLNPstars Annie Ochs and Thelma Sleaze!

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