Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

“I would love to feel adored during sex instead of feeling like I’m there as a means to an end”

Wow. Cindy received this email recently and we were so humbled and inspired by it that we had to share it with you (with permission, of course). Emails like this one are EXACTLY why we exist and why we need your support to help us grow so that we can change the way the world has sex for the better, via


I wanted to say THANK YOU for your website, Make Love Not Porn. I stumbled on it while reading an online article. I am a 28 year old female and have slept with 6 men. None of them have ever made me come. I thought I was abnormal, until the topic (somehow) came up in conversation with a 29 year old friend who admitted she has never had an orgasm with a man.

We now blame this on the fact that a lot of men don’t seem to know what they’re doing, from our experiences, anyway. I assume porn is the reason. Their moves (which I’ve seen in porn) don’t work in real life. Pumping into a woman like a jackhammer is not really enjoyable. Neither are position where only the genitals are touching. 

I have never had a man pay much attention to my breasts. No-one has ever kissed my stomach, or my arms, or legs, or back etc. It’s always straight for oral, then intercourse, and expecting it to be amazing. One man loved to hold my hips off the bed, one of my legs on either side of him, while he just pumped away. No other physical contact. I felt like an object there for his enjoyment only. He was genuinely perplexed when I admitted to him that I didn’t come.

He was the first person I’d slept with, so I was innocent to the realities of sex and didn’t feel comfortable to tell him what I wanted. I’ve had gaps of up to 2.5 years between partners and I don’t miss sex when I’m not getting it. I love the idea of sex, and I love the fantasies I have, but the reality has always been disappointing for me.

I would love to feel adored during sex with lots of touching and kissing (all over) instead of feeling like I’m there as a means to an end. I wish more people were taught that what they see in porn is what works for camera angles, and not what works for women in real life. 

So again, thank-you for your efforts in addressing this issue.

We love hearing from you, and welcome emails about your own experiences and the opportunity to publish them as anonymous guest blog posts. You can email us at,,

4 Responses to ““I would love to feel adored during sex instead of feeling like I’m there as a means to an end””

  1. Jim

    I read the above comment about feeling like a means to an end. I remember sex in my 20’s. It always lacked a component that I now feel is critical; talking. Talking can do a couple of things really well. It can be used to become aroused. I’m not thinking of talking dirty but more about talking about fantasies, or how our bodies work (where someone likes to be touched or kissed), or past sexual experiences. I’m thinking of talking as another kind of or an addition to foreplay. You never hear porn stars talking and I’ve always thought that was stupid. In addition talking can be used as a way for each of us to help our partners know what we need from them to make the experience most fulfilling. I suggest that the lady who’s feeling like a means to an end start talking with her partner more. I know (from hearing a younger gal say once) that it’s kind of intimidating. Don’t be intimidated. It really adds another really good component to the sexual experience. In addition you can rest assured that you’re probably not going to get what you want if you don’t ask for it.

    • madamcurator

      Thanks for your great comment, Jim! We’re all for communication around real world sex. Sometimes it can be hard to find a partner who’s open to talking about their desires and it can definitely be intimidating to be the one to initiate a conversation BUT taking that first step and opening up about what you want in bed can lead to great things! We encourage everyone to give it a try 🙂

  2. Samantha Johnson

    This is so hard reading all of this.

    I am a 42 year old virgin and also have never ever been in a relationship.

    The reason I am a post-op transsexual/transgender woman.

    Reading all of this, is letting me know how much of living life tht I am missing out on..

    • madamcurator

      Thanks for your heartfelt comment, Samantha! It’s so generous of you to open up about your situation. Allow me to reassure you that there is still plenty of life to be lived at 42 and that perhaps being bit older and knowing yourself more will help you avoid some of the pitfalls our member described in this post. We wholeheartedly embrace the sexuality and identity of transsexual/transgender individuals and hope to soon have more representation of satisfying, non-fetishistic #realworldsex featuring trans folks. If you would like some recommendations of what to watch on or if you’re ever interested in sharing a video yourself, please do email me at
      All the best,


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