Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

Four Hard Tips on Loving a Soft Penis / Pamela Madsen

At we want to embrace and celebrate the soft cock – so much so that we created a category for when “a guy’s cock isn’t super hard but is still awesome in the extreme.” We call that softserve – sweet and delicious!

Written by Pamela Madsen for Pamela Madsen. Originally published on March 31st, 2015.

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When men outreach to me; it’s usually about their fears around having and sustaining erections. Men just like women worry about being enough and getting it on. And in our culture, it’s all about penetrative sex (intercourse), big hard cocks, and staying power. But what if it’s not? What if we allowed men to feel their bodies in different ways and as a result get to experience sex in the full spectrum of intimacy and pleasure?

A hard penis is not everything when it comes to making love. It’s simply not all there is.

1. The number one myth of a soft cock is that the man is not feeling desire. There are many reasons why a man has a soft cock before or during sexual activity that has nothing to do with his desire for you. So please do not take a soft cock as an indicator that your lover doesn’t want you.

2. Soft cocks can feel pleasure and can have orgasms. Many people ignore the soft cock. If he can’t get it up, he can’t have sex or orgasms.  Nonsense. The issue is that we have taught men that they are broken if they cannot get hard.

3. Men are always expected to be “penetrative” not “receptive” when it comes to sex. In other words; their job is to be the “taker” and the “giver”. He is the one who enters. During intercourse the penis may soften and along with that (if it is allowed and not shamed)  a man’s heart may soften too. He may become more vulnerable with his lover and more open.

4.  When men are permission-ed to experience sexuality from a place of softness it’s actually possible for them to experience what it’s like to be penetrated by his partner energetically or with his partner’s hands, or body to body. This is known as energetic sex and can be felt in the body of lovers as almost a meditative state of bliss.

Go read the rest of the article for even more information on the importance of loving soft cocks!

7 Responses to “Four Hard Tips on Loving a Soft Penis / Pamela Madsen”

  1. Bill

    some times the guy is soft as he desires tender caressing and kisses from his lady just as she adores the sensual touching………so beautiful to have both lovers touch kiss and please sensitive sexy parts love the whole person is so beautiful

  2. Keithandkel

    This article was excellent and SO important for people to read. After some scary medical things, my husband lost the ability to achieve an erection, even with drugs. We had a challenging time, but learned to love in different ways thanks to a great therapist and some creative techniques we’d never tried (because who needs those when all the parts work normally?). I feel like more people need to know what sex can entail with erection and penetration–and how ANAZING it can be. Since there aren’t many “How to” resources, we’ve even thought of adding our experience to the MLNPTV site in the hope of showing other couples that life after ED exists and is wonderful. Time will tell if we get brave enough to show what we do, but in the meantime, THANK YOU for sharing this article with everyone!


    • arielmtnz

      Kel, Thanks so much for such a wonderful comment! I’m glad that you appreciated the article, and I agree that there definitely needs to be WAY more discussion around sex without penetration or erections. I would absolutely LOVE it if you shared your #realworldsex with us at MLNP or wanted to write a blog about your experiences! Feel free to shoot us an email anytime at!

  3. Bill

    madamcurator a beautiful way for men with that problem is roleplay….pretend to be an admiring lover blindfold the wife to give her a sensual massage….she dreams a hunk is caressing and pleasing her body and the man is so excited being the stud he knows she dreams of…..caress her as you never have before kiss he and tell her how beautiful her body is…….after a period of time she will say i need you so bad…….no matter soft or otherwise you will enjoy pleasing her and she will be completing a beautiful dream…….the period you lay in each others arms saying i love you is so beautiful……..guys try it you both will enjoy so much


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