Written by MLNPstar Gray of Colin/Gray.
Check out this adorable and informative video Gray made just for you!
Like most people who have cold sores, I was infected at a very young age, probably sharing a drink with a family member who was having an outbreak. This moment in my past was one I thought a lot about whenever I would get a cold sore and would feel resentment towards whoever infected me. I thought, “maybe if that one time didn’t happen I’d be cold sore free today.”
Only now in my mid 20’s have I learned to accept my cold sores and to not feel like the world is ending every time I feel a tingle. I think what helps me stay calm is the 400+ hrs I’ve probably spent researching DIY/at home/store bought/prescription/etc remedies in the hopes to find SOMETHING that would work.
Well, I have. (my tips are at the bottom, because I realize that many people reading this do not have outbreaks and do not need to know all the info– lol).
I came up with the idea to make a MLNP video about being sexy with a cold sore when my partner, Colin, was out of town for a few days. This has happened before, where he comes back to town and I feel a tingle. Because we have a happy/healthy relationship I am able to talk to him whenever I feel one coming on, but it wasn’t always so easy.
The first time that you have to tell a sexual partner that you have oral herpes is REALLY hard. It’d be nice if they responded “oh, me too! I just didn’t know how to tell you” but that often doesn’t happen. As a teen I would cover it up with makeup (making the outbreaks even more mad) or stop going to school all together. I wouldn’t tell my boyfriends and would just tell them I was busy and avoid them for the 5-14 days it would take me to recover.
As a Make Love Not Porn Star, I felt it was my duty to make a video discussing this issue. I am not totally knowledgeable about the porn industry at large, but I know that a lot of unprotected sex is had, and since 50-80% of the population has cold sores, I’m guessing many porn stars do, too. But in porn everything seems sterile and clean and sore-less.
We know porn creates imaginary/desirable worlds/situations where many issues/themes are not discussed.We are shown anti-gravity boobs, cum-on-time-penises and hairless people. This can be difficult for a lot of people who have porn-industry standards in the bedroom or even for people who think that’s what others expect.
I wanted to make a video about how it feels to be someone who has outbreaks and still wants to have sex because this is a reality that I will deal with for the rest of my life. Because there is such a high percentage of the population that gets cold sores, it is strange to me how embarrassing and stigmatized they are. We need to not only talk openly, but show that just because we have an ailment/issue/imperfection/std does NOT inhibit our ability to be creative/sexual beings.
This video is a colin/gray first where we navigate our active and passionate sex life without kissing or swapping spit.
And remember, even with a cold sore you can still be SEXY. Just be protected and make sure to tell your sexual partner(s)
How to have sex during an outbreak:
1. TELL YOUR PARTNER(s)-even if you feel a tingle. It is VERY uncool to keep it to yourself because at that point, it wouldn’t be 100% consensual.
2. Use this tiny inconvenience to spark up something in another area. Maybe talk about dressing up, or trying different positions, or getting excited by how much you WANT TO kiss but cannot. Also, just because your mouth is out of service, doesn’t mean theirs is! Maybe ask your partner (because stress is a trigger for OBs) to focus on worshiping your body for the night!
3. Make sure you have a lubricant nearby that IS NOT YOUR SPIT. (It’s easy to forget you have an OB in the middle of a passionate moment. There are also cold sore bandages that can make the chance of spreading even less likely- but don’t rely on them and jump into oral sex)
1. Keep your outbreak out of the sun, and make sure to apply lip balm with SPF. Herpecin L works REALLY well
2. I’ve heard and tested that coconut oil, ice and honey are all good topical options to soothing and reducing swelling.
3. I recently tried colloidal silver (the kind you spray under the tongue) and it seemed to work really well!
4. I take a lot of l-lysine when I eat foods high in arginine (chocolate, beer, nuts, etc) because those are known to cause OBs.
5. An ointment I’ve found to work is campho-phenique. (abreva never worked for me)
6. I have a acyclovir prescription that I take whenever I feel a tingle. That plus a few l-lysine supplements work VERY well to stop the tingling before it has a chance to develop.
7. I drink a ton of Licorice root tea while a have an outbreak because I’ve read that it works well.
8. I have this zapper thing called vy-gone and I use it when a cold sore has developed. Not totally sure if it works, but it seems to. Spendy though!
9. Breathe, meditate, close your eyes. Imagine a big circle slowly shirking and fading away over and over.
10. Take this time to remember how fragile and sensitive bodies are. Take care of the only one you have. Drink lots of water, stop eating processed foods, cut out cigarettes/ alcohol, try to relax. Think about this as your body saying “WHAT THE FUCK?!?” and respond by giving it what it really needs.
We love these tips from Gray and think it’s SO important for #realworldproblems to be discussed out in the open! Many aspects about sex-ed are never covered in school, and navigating cold sores is DEFINITELY one of them. Thank you, Dr. Gray! Make sure to check out their video!