By Assistant Curator, Ariel Martinez – who, when not at MLNP, works as a sex educator and spends a lot of time talking about blowjobs.
There are so many blowjob videos on the internet. Not that that’s necessarily a bad thing! A great BJ can be awesome for the giver and the receiver, can foster intimacy and can be super hot and rewarding. It’s just that… there are so many.
There also seems to be a commonly held belief that in order to “keep” the man or keep the dick in your life happy, you have to be the very best at blowjobs ever in the history of the world or else your partner is going to be getting head under the desk from a cute young secretary. And guess what? That isn’t true, and also what an awful and (in the majority of cases) unrealistic thing to be afraid of. There isn’t nearly the same amount of pressure put on people whose partners have vaginas to keep up those LickJobs because, well, you never know I saw them making eyes at that hottie in HR – and that’s unfair. Not to mention way less fun and pleasurable for everyone involved.
When the tables are turned and it comes to videos of people eating pussy on the internet, there isn’t quite the same magnitude of options. And when there are videos depicting the art of cunnilingus, it’s usually portrayed in a way that’s more aesthetically pleasing (whatever that means LOL) rather than focusing on the pleasure of the person getting their clit licked.
Nine times out of ten in mainstream porn, the tip of the tongue is barely touching any part of the vulva. The giver’s head is pretty far from the receiver’s body, and it looks like they’re tentatively licking a too-cold freeze pop.
But blow job videos usually consists of someone literally taking a cock as far back into their throat as it can go. There isn’t the same apprehensive way of dealing with someone’s junk as there is in a lot of cunnilingus videos. The deep throaters of the #pornworld just go for it. Which doesn’t even make that much sense, because most of the nerve endings on a dick are in the head. It’s all about multi-tasking, BJ givers! You don’t have to deep throat to give mind-blowing head.
But I don’t want to talk about blow jobs right now. I want to switch the societal conversation away from blow jobs. We need more videos of people eating pussy. Why? Because eating pussy is awesome, it can feel AMAZING for the person receiving the attention (as well as for the giver) and we desperately need to move past the stigma that vaginas or vulvas are gross. For people that like oral sex and want to receive it, there needs to be an expectation going into any sexual encounter that there should be no more ‘inherent’ pressure on one person to give over another. When I was sleeping with guys, I would NEVER go down on them unless they went down on me first.
By not talking about eating pussy, or not talking enough about it at least, it contributes to the idea that vulvas are gross or that it will smell bad or taste bad or what have you. It also continues to shape how we prioritize male sexuality over female sexuality, and I don’t need to tell you that we totally should not be doing that. Hello, 2015.
Feel like experimenting with flavors? Grab a dental dam (or cut a condom in half for a makeshift one) to participate in safe(r) sex or grab some silicone lube to keep things nice and slick.
A vulva is going to smell and taste like a vulva, and that’s just a fact about being a human with a body. You can totally play around with flavored lube which can be super fun and sexy to integrate into oral sex – but at the end of the day, you’re still licking a part of a human body, and that’s not necessarily always going to taste like sorbet.
Having more videos of people genuinely depicting great #downtown action on all sides of the spectrum will increase our desire to talk about it, to get better at it, and to move past the stigma of “eating someone out is gross”. Because it’s not— nothing consensual and sexy has to be gross if that’s what you’re into.
So check out, MakeLickJobLoveNotPorn, an edition that prioritizes the act of going down! I hope that it leaves you inspired to partake in some LickJobs of your own. You know we’d love to see it!
Feeling inspired? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org! You can also follow Ariel on Twitter