Written by MLNpstar Tabby of Tabby + Monkey
I first discovered webcam modeling about 4 years ago. My now husband, Monkey, introduced me to it. Heres a little background information about us. We met in a small, isolated community where everyone knows each other by name, gossip spreads rapidly and everyone knows each other’s business. Or so I thought. It can get lonely in the countryside but thanks to the wonders of the internet, all manner of social and sexual interactions are still available to us and Monkey had been indulging in such interactions long before I came on the scene. As we became closer, Monkey told me about these online experiences and all of a sudden the world felt so much larger. I thought it was awesome.
Some readers will know what webcam modeling is but for those who don’t, it can be many things to many people… But here’s a basic rundown. Webcam modeling is an interactive adult entertainment experience. The customer pays the model, usually by the minute, And the model helps the customer get off by talking and performing on her webcam from home. Sometimes the customer will want to see a model’s feet or underwear or various body parts. Sometimes the customer wants to discuss sexy fantasies or role play. Occasionally the customer will just want some company and a friendly chat, though more often than not in my case, the customer wants a sexy lady to chat with and masturbate with and to watch cum.
I am not an exhibitionist– being watched does not get me off. But I really enjoy getting other people off and providing a good service. I think you might be able to see my personal dilemma beginning to emerge. Yes I do fake it, often, but not always. I admit I am so busy trying to look pretty and read subtle cues from my customer that I struggle to get into it enough to have an orgasm. It can take me 20 minutes to cum even without trying to look pretty. My priority is to please my customers and what if they only want to spend 10 or 15 minutes with me? I draw on my my plentiful experience of actual orgasms and I present my best interpretation on demand.
In porn movies, everyone knows the girls fake it. It’s porn. But cam girls can be a grey area. Is it porn? I would love to be able to say yes cam modeling is all porn and it should be treated as such but it’s not that simple. Some models provide pure performance. Some models are true exhibitionists. For some, its a mixture. But as far as I can tell, we all try to be seen as genuine.
To us fakers I ask, are we harmlessly indulging someone’s fantasy? or perpetuating a lie that will only backfire on us? I love the slogan ‘Pro-sex, pro-porn pro knowing the difference’ but I’m right in the middle of it and I still struggle to know the difference sometimes.
Many cam models, myself included, make sexy videos to sell. The point of me writing this was to discuss how my MLNP videos differ from the ones I make as a cam girl. I got a little side tracked. Anyway here goes.
When making a video as a cam girl my priority is to look sexy. When making a video for Monkey and me and MLNP my priority is to feel sexy. If I look sexy too, thats great, if not, never mind you can still see it.
After having a positive response to my #procrasturbation video, I have found it really gratifying to know people are getting enjoyment out of it because It expresses part of my sexuality. It expresses a part of me. My cam girl videos express the customers sexuality more than my own. I think it was Andre Gide who said ‘It’s better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.’ In my case, it is better to be masturbated over for what you are than masturbated over for what you are not. (Though I’m still happy with either)