Written by MLNPstar Skno1.
Well…where to begin? I have been quite the sexual adventurer over the past couple of years. I would say I have always had a bit of an exhibitionist streak in me. Even from a young age when I didn’t know what I was doing. I remember when I was about 8 years old I heard my parents downstairs with a couple of their friends having a chat and I decided it was a good idea to go downstairs and parade around the living room totally naked…much to my parents shock and dismay! I’m not suggesting that this was a purely sexual act or a sexual act at all but I don’t know why I did it…but it was a total spontaneous and natural moment to me. Other than this I have felt mostly an excrutiatingly crippling self-consciousness and shyness so it seems almost a paradox to me that I have this desire to display myself also. Or maybe they go hand in hand.
Anyway to cut a very long story short, years and years and one very long and loving relationship later, I find myself in my 30’s and feel like I have only just come to terms with my sexuality. And am now getting over my shame surrounding it. It even in some ways unfortunately caused the end of my relationship. But it was something I just had to explore. It was too much of an irrepressible curiosity within me and a journey that I would have loved to have taken my partner along with me for, but alas I was venturing into areas that he couldn’t deal with. So although it was very sad we just had to part ways.
So I’ll get to the point… I began to collaborate with photographers to do nude and erotic photoshoots. I am a musician and was in a band for a number of years in, which I ended up doing a nude shoot for a magazine. I so enjoyed it that I began to seek out doing it again for myself. That was a couple of years ago and since then I have worked with a number of photographers and have built up quite the portfolio which I show on tumblr. I also came across a few things and people on the internet that really appealed to my sexuality…but really only a handful of things.
Most pornography and sexual imagery I had seen up until then really did not appeal to me at all. It occasionally turned me on, but only in a way that eating McDonalds satisfies a particular sort of hunger sometimes. You would never want it as your only option! I began to wonder why there wasn’t more things out there that appealed to my own connection to sex.
And my musings on this subject really began to open my mind and lead to explore just what my own connection was and to try and distinguish what I had been avoiding through feelings of shame or fear of judgement and what I really liked to do.
I have learnt a lot through doing the shoots which occasionally ended up with a sexual encounter between the photographer and I. This never happened without it being my full and conscious and natural choice. I never felt coerced. Anyway I could go into this subject in a lot more detail but I am here to talk about this one particular sexual encounter! But I felt it necessary to give a bit of background to this as he was one of these photographers who I met right at the beginning of my journey.
I responded to his advert looking for models on craigslist. I think I had only done one shoot before this which wasn’t particularly successful as a photo shoot but it was fun never the less. No sexual encounter happened in this one but I did end up being a gardener for that guy! That’s another story! So really this was my first proper shoot. I really loved his work so I was excited and also scared as I really had little experience and had no idea what to expect. I met him first for a coffee to make sure I felt comfortable that he was not a psycho or anything and then we went to the flat where he was staying. He was very intense and quite quiet but I think that helped me in stepping over the hurdle from pleasant conversation into another space where I could focus on the job in hand. He also helped me by giving me a few suggestions and a bit of direction, said in a very masterful but gentle way and also slightly mysterious with his face always hidden behind the camera. His imagery was quite surreal so there were moments of fun too using props like a waste bin and a pomegranate.
He then also used some liquid latex on me and bounded me with electrical tape. I liked how precise he was, and the amount of care he took in applying the tape. I also enjoyed the smell of the liquid latex… the whole experience basically I found to be a very sensual and erotic experience that turned me on a whole lot! I knew that he could tell I was turned on and there was also a moment where I could tell he was attracted to me.
But neither of us did anything about it that day. I left the shoot feeling elated! I felt good that I managed to go to a place where I lost some of my inhibitions and it felt like just a nice way to spend time with someone. Why not?! When I got home I realised I had left my bag of clothes there! And so I had to go back and get it. It was then that we had another chat without shooting and decided to meet up again and maybe watch films etc. It’s funny, I think he knew before I did that I was naturally a submissive. We began to exchange texts that explored this and it really excited me. Incidentally I am again reminded of my behaviour as a child where I regularly got my friends to spank my bare bottom as part of our play. I now recognise that they were definitely sexual feelings that I experienced and enjoyed then which is why I was doing it. He was the first person to really release this side of me as an adult to which I am grateful. So we indulged in a sub dom relationship for a few months. There were a few different scenarios we played with but I shall now just talk about this one.
He had given me the ball gag as a present which he had carefully wrapped up using the liquid latex as decoration. I was under strict instruction not to open the present until he told me to so it stayed on my shelf for quite a while, building my tension and excitement about what it could possibly be! Eventually he told me to open it and then he gave me the instructions to make this video with the ball gag in my mouth. I could not wait to get home and make it for him and please him with how well I did it. Everything you see in the film is me making sure I am following his instructions to the second. You can see how much this turned me on!
I really feel a liberation in giving someone exactly what they want. As long as it is within my own personal boundaries. But I’m yet to even find out how far I will go…I sort of know but am open to the moment! I enjoy giving the dom complete freedom to go as far as they want to go without judgement. It feels like a lovely gift to give and I equally get pleasure and satisfaction.
We are not really in a relationship anymore. He is a traveller and I did not want to belong to someone at that time. But we are still friends and have a little contact from time to time. I will always remember him because I explored a lot of things for the first time with him. And I am very glad that he was my first shoot.
Watch Skno1’s premiere video on MLNP.tv here!