Written by Staff at Crave. Originally published on May 7th, 2016.
Who inspires you and why?
People inspire me. People are just wonderful. I meet so many incredible people making their way in the world in really interesting ways, and read about so many more.
Within that, I am feeling particularly inspired right now by the amazing female founders I keep encountering in the sextech world. I love the fact that women are the primary innovators and disruptors in this area, that we’re finally not just owning our sexuality but coming up with ventures and technologies to change the world through sex for women and for men.
And I am also inspired on a daily basis by my own team. MLNP MadamCurator Sarah Beall and Assistant Curator Ariel Martinez do such incredible work every day managing our community and our wonderful MakeLoveNotPornstars, and I am constantly inspired just seeing them in action.
We love the way women are becoming empowered around sexual pleasure. What’s your favorite example, story, or anecdote about this?
Well, I wouldn’t call this my ‘favorite’ anecdote, but it’s one that made a profound impression on me. Five years ago I spoke about MakeLoveNotPorn at TEDxYouthSantaMonica, at Santa Monica High School. I was mobbed by teenagers subsequently, boys and girls. One girl spoke to me confidentially asking for help. She was 17, having sex with her boyfriend, but she didn’t enjoy it and she’d never had an orgasm. Along with the usual advice I give in this scenario (buy a vibrator, learn what makes you come, show your boyfriend), I asked her if she was able to talk to her mother about this (I encourage parents to have open honest discussions about sex with their kids as much as possible). She said, ‘Oh yes, I have, but she can’t help me, she says she’s never had an orgasm either.’
Imagine a gender flip on what currently happens. Imagine if every woman went into every sexual encounter automatically expecting to orgasm as her god-given right, and imagine if every man went into every sexual encounter automatically expecting not to orgasm and feeling surprised and grateful if he did.
At MLNP we believe in a 1:1 orgasm ratio. Each partner should match the other in number of orgasms, and each partner should be equally dedicated to the other’s pleasure. Then everybody wins.
William Blake, the 19th century poet, wrote:
“What is it men in women do require? The lineaments of gratified desire.
What is it women do in men require? The lineaments of gratified desire.”
Blake was being heteronormative, obviously, but this applies to everyone. The biggest turn-on in the world is to know that your partner is having a wonderful time sexually because of you. Women more empowered to own and achieve sexual pleasure means much happier women, much happier men, much happier everyone, a much happier world.
What do you wish someone had told you when you were starting to think and learn about sex?
It’s a wonderful, beautiful thing that you should enjoy as much as possible.