By MakeLoveNotPornstar Rich Edge.
It’s hard to have an original take on this subject. I’m sure what I’m saying here has been articulated many times by other bloggers on this site. Still.
Like so many people, I was captivated by Cindy Gallop’s TED talk — but for different reasons. Here is a woman who is clearly a leader in her chosen field — advertising — well respected and admired for being at the top of her game and she’s on the TED stage, not talking about an industry that has much to answer for —an industry undergoing huge flux; no. She’s on the TED stage talking about her sex life. How she likes to have sex with younger men. (Shocking!)
Instead of being hounded out of her industry, everybody just seemed to accept what she was saying as the truth. I’m a moderately successful consultant myself, I’ve worked in advertising, and I would never dream about talking about my sex life in such a public way.
I have three small children, and had been wondering about how to raise them in a way that goes against the culture of silence and shame around sex. How do I give my children a nuanced education about sex, so that my boy-child doesn’t have to use porn as sex education?
If Cindy Gallop can talk about sex and leave her career intact — and in America, which is famously sex negative and punitive — then maybe I should stop being so scared of admitting to myself and others that I have sex, and enjoy it. And like Gallop, I also like having sex with younger men sometimes. (Shocking!)
I signed up immediately to MLNP and spoke to my wife about perhaps submitting a video. Nothing came of it at the time.
My wife is a primary school teacher. In our country that means she teaches in a school that goes from first to seventh grade. In 2012, we went through the exciting, and sometimes painful, process of transitioning our marriage to no longer be sexually exclusive and since we’re both quite extroverted, we find it difficult to be closeted about who we are.
We have both had additional long-term relationships and consider ourselves polyamorous. My wife has taken the lead in organizing the local polyamorous community.
I believe that sex is normal and healthy, and should be a topic of conversation and celebration, and we can’t do that if we’re hiding who we are from people. I think polyamory is a valid relationship structure and should be as unremarkable as monogamy or any other relationship structure.
We’re finally breaking the connection between sex and morality and putting sex in its rightful place as central to us as family units, as society and as a species. Humans have more sex per live birth than almost any other creature on the planet. That means sex is important. Why not treat it as such?
I’m 50 now and I feel as sexual — more sexual — than I ever have. I’m blessed with two partners who love me and whom I can share my life with.
Cindy Gallop deserves a lot of credit for normalizing sex, for being a leader in living a life of authenticity.
Because of role models like her, I have had the courage to live my own life of authenticity — sometimes to the judgement and bewilderment of my friends. It’s completely worth it. Sex wasn’t meant to be hidden behind closed doors. It was meant to be witnessed, to be shared, to be celebrated. Thank you MLNP for making this possible.
I spoke to my wife Janet about why she is happy to be featured on MakeLoveNotPorn. Her answer surprised me. We transitioned our marriage to being sexually non-exclusive about three years ago. And in the beginning, people were asking for photos. She says,
“I am frumpy and middle aged and the mother of three and people still wanted photos of me. In the beginning it felt dangerous and thrilling — and then it felt empowering.”
Then she said the kind of adult content she herself likes to watch is the authentic real deal. And she says she wants to contribute to the genre. As she put it,
“I don’t want to keep my photos for the lucky few any more. There are people who would like to watch me have sex. Why would I deny them the opportunity?”
Then she said she wants to normalize sex. “There’s nothing wrong with it and it doesn’t deserve the taboo surrounding it. I’m not doing anything wrong.”
Finally, she said being more sex positive and letting go of societal norms around sexuality has meant she can let go of judgement in other areas of her life. Like parenting. There is lots of judgement around different styles of parenting, and through letting go of sexual judgement she has let go of that as well. “Like feeding my child sugar,” she offered as an example. “If I want to buy my child a sweet (candy), I’ll buy my child a sweet. I’m not condemning them to a life of cancer and obesity. [Through MakeLoveNotPorn] I’ve been able to let go of those punitive judgemental thoughts.”
You can find Rich Edge’s #realworldsex videos at MakeLoveNotPorn.tv
To read more from our MLNPstars, check out the MLNPstars Speak section.