Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.

Creating a new vocabulary for #realworldsex

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We all have sex. We all enjoy it. We don’t talk about it.

So we don’t have a socially acceptable, socially shareable vocabulary for sex in the #realworld – one that everyone is comfortable using both in general, public discussion, and as a way of articulating how much you enjoy what goes on in your intimate personal relationships, and what you’d like to do.

The language of porn has rushed in to fill that gap.

This isn’t ideal – especially speaking as a woman, because unsurprisingly, given how male-dominated the management of the mainstream porn industry is, the language of porn is predominantly generated by men.

The person who coined the term ‘fingerblasting’ didn’t have a vagina – because if you have a vagina, that term automatically makes you wince and want to cross your legs. (Well, it does in my case.) The person who came up with the term ‘getting your ass railed’ in straight porn, never had his ass railed. And while ‘bitch’, ‘whore’ and ‘slut’ can be turn-ons in mutually agreed and consensual dirty talk, to be addressed as such the very first time you get naked with someone can have quite the opposite effect – speaking for myself and for the many people who’ve shared similar experiences with me, from the regular male response when this approach is queried in a straight context – ‘But women in porn really like it when you call them that’…  through similar ‘porn soundtrack’ issues in a gay/lesbian context.

We all get vulnerable when we get naked. Quite often, we aren’t sure what to say in bed, or how to express ourselves verbally. We may have no other frame of reference for ‘how people communicate during sex’ than porn. Which can result in language, and modes of address, that are borrowed, inappropriate and not necessarily welcome. Or a reluctance to say anything at all – which is a shame, because talking and communicating during sex in whatever form you both (or all) enjoy, is part of the fun and can be a huge turn-on.

So here at MLNP we’d love you to help us build a new vocabulary for #realworldsex. You’ll already have seen that our tags are different from the usual industry-standard porn classifications – our co-founder and user experience goddess Oonie Chase explains how to browse and search with them currently. We’d love you to tell us what language you use to celebrate and communicate around #realworldsex in your own individual way. Further down the line, we’ll be asking you to tag with your own terms; for now, please tell us in the comment stream below what your favorite words and phrases are. We’d love to know so that we can enlarge the vocabulary of MLNP, and provide us all with language we can all take forward into the bedroom and beyond, to talk happily, unashamedly, vividly and creatively about #realworldsex.

10 Responses to “Creating a new vocabulary for #realworldsex”

  2. modestyablaze

    Oh for my part it’s so difficult to note down what my favourite words, or phrases, during sex are . . . simply because what turns me on during one occasion, may have completely the opposite affect during another.
    “Consistently, IN-consistent !” my Husband often complains (about everything about me, not just sexually. LOL !!!)
    But like all my feelings during love-making, different situations, different events, different lovers . . . mean I have different sensations and reactions and responses. And actually, in my case at least, that’s why I love sex so much. It is almost always different.
    But you are right, all those stereotypical clichés are never, very often, a turn-on for me. I’m very lucky in that none of our lovers in a home, or hotel, environment ever seem to use those type of terms or phrases (it always seems to be much more personal and respectful, or fun comments I suppose). However, I have had those sort of things said to me on occasion at our swingers club . . . and it’s always been a turn-off for me, rather than a turn-on (which is what the men, or women, involved were trying to achieve).
    When I’m carried away with my lover (or lovers), apparently I whisper or moan things like “oh that’s nice” or “I love that” . . . gradually increasing my volume and language to “oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck !!”.
    So, certainly not very original, and probably not very helpful in your search for favourite, or unusual key-words Cindy.
    But I suppose the point I’m trying to make from my point of view, is that those words, and touches, and feelings often seem to be “of a moment” . . . not something that perhaps can be specifically repeated with the expectation of having the same affect !!!
    Does this help? Or make sense?
    Xxx – K

    Reply
  3. SHIRLEY MAYA TAN

    You hit the nail on the terms created by men in the porn industry, Cindy! Have always hated the words: Gang Bang and Pounding. None of them denotes any respect or beauty to the world of human sexual activity. And “Fuck Me” seem to be so commonly used. Or, “Abuse me till I am sore”. Isn’t it funny how all these terms imply a sense of pain to an immensely pleasurable activity. Personally, my words would be simple and possibly boring to most people. They are – “Just love me. Show me how much you really love me with your mouth, your tongue, your hands…..” I think you get the picture 😉

    Reply
  4. Diane

    I like to tell my husband what makes me feel good, or not good. Then I like to say “thank you” when I’m satisfied. My body’s reaction to his touch says it all.

    Reply
  5. Theo

    I really like the term ‘head’ as in ‘how’d you like a bit of head, honey’. Actually now that I see it in writing it looks a bit crude but that’s beside the point. I know it’s not a new word but I like it cause its unisex, non-degrading (cause personally I don’t care too much for that kind of pillow talk) but still kind of naughty and yet not too naughty to use in regular conversation. All this also make it sexy. I mean, who doesn’t like a bit if head, and to be able to talk about it with your friends. I like ‘head’. 🙂 /T.

    Reply
  6. jochanaan1

    My lady, who has passed on, had pet names for our sexual parts. Hers was “Virginia,” which I found hilarious with its blend of “virgin” (which she wasn’t) and “vagina;” mine was “the Little General,” for, as she said, it deserved a high rank. The combination of humor, affection and respect in those pet names was always a massive turn-on for us both.

    Reply
  7. angeno555

    For years we’ve been filming our real word sex together, and by coincidence MLNP came along, and we both felt additional excitement of the prospect of finally sharing with others, what we constantly watch and re-watch…our “un-ba-fucking-lievable” sex!! We have always, usually unintentionally & in the heat of devouring each other, made up lots of new vocab!
    ** “cum-fucking-tastic” **”Turbo-tastic” (complimenting each other after one of those orgasms where you have minimal useful brain function and your mobility is noticeably impaired for a few minutes!!) ** ‘…good job babe,…you done “Fucked me Stupid”…’ he has so proudly given my vagina the title
    ** “The Temple” and I adorned his cock with the name ** “Hulk”, which is 100% accurate comparison-except the whole ‘green’ characteristic!
    ***HOBBYTIME*** We absolutely LOVE this site!!
    (mlnp* angeno23)

    Reply

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